


keep me warm (it's a cold, cold world)

by baetokkis



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: 1960s, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22198141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baetokkis/pseuds/baetokkis
Summary: It’s the late 1960s, in a setting inspired by social changes, when Seulgi begins to discover more about herself that she realizes her neighbor Joohyun isn’t as tough as her leather jacket paints her to be.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 112





	keep me warm (it's a cold, cold world)

Kang Seulgi was never one of self-degrading habits. She wasn’t someone who used to dwell on the fact that there were people out there who looked prettier than her, who were smarter even. She was sure of her words whenever she claimed she wasn’t anything less than pretty, that her features were _at least_ pleasant. 

However, this beauty that without care she considered to have disappeared rapidly when, at her specific reading time, she saw _her_. 

Bae Joohyun arrived at evening, left her car with an unshakeable passivity and walked toward her house, the one next to Seulgi’s. Sometimes, if she were lucky, Seulgi would see her coming back after a few moments with a book on her hands, just like herself. Joohyun would sit on one of the balcony chairs, giving her undivided attention to her reading. Seulgi thought it was an adorable sight. 

Since then, her confidence in saying that she possessed a beauty that at worst was acceptable vanished, because no one could ever compare to Joohyun. She felt that she could contemplate her neighbor for hours, admiring how her black hair matched her angelic features perfectly, and how her pale skin only contributed to the image their neighbors had formed for her. The image of someone unattainable.

Seulgi had her doubts as to the accuracy of the adjective, but she admitted that in some aspects it seemed to fit her just right because even though she also noticed the sideways glances, Joohyun never came closer.

Seulgi, for many times, thought it was her imagination playing tricks on her. It seemed highly unlikely that someone like Joohyun would waste her time to merely look at someone like her, someone so _irrelevant_. She had no idea what Joohyun saw in her when she thought of herself as just another girl of her age, one that certainly wasn’t worth all the attention.

That’s why Seulgi would be lying if she said she didn’t feel ashamed of it. She found herself horribly uninteresting, with that hair in a dull brownish tone and an ordinary cut, her polite mannerisms and her carefully ironed dresses. She was the complete opposite of Joohyun, who possessed personality traits and looks so unique as to have always someone whispering around about her and her personal life as if they knew her.

But Seulgi didn’t care about the rumors, she had her own opinion about the raven haired girl. 

On that particular Saturday afternoon, with her head tilted to the right, Joohyun was in her usual place and looked more beautiful than usual, if that was even possible. Maybe it was the moon light shining upon her, kissing the milky skin and highlighting the focused eyes and parted lips. 

Seulgi wasn’t able to contain her smile when she realized that everything seemed to adorn her existence, surrounding Joohyun with that ethereal aura. However, her smile didn’t go unnoticed by the other girl, giving a rosy tone to Seulgi's cheeks when she realized that Joohyun had just caught her in the act.

Seulgi cursed to herself once she realized she hadn’t been discreet, trying to divert her attention and looking for something else to stare, but it was too late. And unlike the other times when she chose to keep her distance, Joohyun was already walking toward Seulgi beaming lightly and carrying the book she was reading a few minutes ago in her left hand, marking the page she had stopped with her index finger.

Definitely, Joohyun was Seulgi’s greatest and only self degrading habit. It was a habit that had become her addiction, curling into her with the same strength and intensity of vines – never leaving space to even think about running away.

Seulgi pretended to be busy flipping through her book pages quickly, reading and rereading the same words without understanding any of it. Her palms were sweating and her heart was pounding too fast. She shouldn’t be feeling this, not when they only met a few months ago and barely talked to each other.

_“She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within…”_

Once she heard that familiar quote, Seulgi’s eyes, fallen on the book in her lap, lost its non-existent focus instantly to seek for the owner of the voice. The first thing Seulgi saw was the lips – fleshy and extremely attractive in that natural pinky tone. Then, she saw the delicate nose and the eyes, so dark that it was difficult to distinguish her irises from her pupils. Every single thing about her only seemed to increase Seulgi's fascination.

“I used to read this to my sister so I might remember some of it. Not to mention that this particular tale is my favorite. It's great to read on a night like this.” Joohyun said, her voice as smooth as it always was, almost sounding like melody to Seulgi's ears. "A great mechanism, if you think about it."

Joohyun smiled tenderly, an interesting opposition to her choice of clothes, but Seulgi didn’t think that was important at the time.

She remembered the only time she saw Joohyun wearing a dress, months ago when she was new in the neighborhood, and how she looked completely different when wearing the so-called feminine clothing. Usually Joohyun was more into tight pants and leather jackets. It was not exactly the style of clothing a lady should wear, Seulgi's mother would say, but despite the simplicity and casualness, she was always dazzling. That night wasn’t an exception.

"Books open your mind… They unlock thoughts we pretend that didn’t exist for a long time and always help us cope with our difficulties by taking us away from this world.” Joohyun completed, confident about her words.

Seulgi felt her jaw slightly drop in understanding. 

They were in the late 1960s after all and transformations were everywhere. Economic changes, political oscillations and even frequent discussions about gender equality was more common these days. Seulgi wondered if Joohyun attributed to literature the emergence of so many manifestations and reformulation of ideals.

"It's scary, don’t you think?" Seulgi spoke for the first time, in a low, unsteady voice. 

Seulgi wasn’t that old, she was almost turning eighteen, but to think the world she knew was changing and slowly becoming a supposedly better version frightened her. Who guaranteed it was better this way?

“Not really. Does it scare you?” Joohyun tilted her head to the side and despite her intimidating look, Seulgi didn’t feel intimidated at all.

“Yes, a little… I’m not exactly fond of new things,” she said, embarrassed.

“Never?” Joohyun asked, watching with wide eyes Seulgi shaking her head. 

“Never…” Seulgi repeated. "I don’t like things I don’t know.”

Joohyun frowned, astonished. It was one of the things she liked the most, to be surprised. She couldn’t imagine how anyone might not like it.

"Don’t you get at least curious?" she tried again, but Seulgi just shrugged.

“I do, but I like where I’m standing. I like my comfort zone. I’d rather have gradual changes than radical ones.” Seulgi answered. She remembered the riots she'd seen on TV, the protesters’ demands and how everything seemed to be happening too fast.

“You shouldn’t keep this feeling to yourself,” Joohyun said, her orbs immersed in Seulgi's with devotion. 

Joohyun seemed to be choosing her words carefully, fearing that Seulgi would misunderstand her and think she was being forced to do anything.

Seulgi felt she couldn’t breathe, much less think with those eyes glowing just for her.

“Curiosity?” she managed to say after some failed attempts not to stutter. 

Joohyun nodded, looking unaffected by the girl's apparent vulnerability. 

“There are opportunities that only come once in life. How would you feel knowing that you wasted an amazing chance for something as trivial as fear?” she said, her voice overflowing with certainty. "What else makes you curious?" Joohyun spoke again, looking more interested in the brunette in front of her.

Seulgi was curious about many things. She was curious to see other parts of the world, to learn another language, but all of this would be impossible for a while. With that in mind, Seulgi looked around for something more palpable and bit her lower lip, wondering if she should or shouldn’t say it. She didn’t know Joohyun that well after all, despite the familiarity she always felt whenever they talked.

Without saying a word for fear of making a fool of herself again, Seulgi pointed to the motorcycle parked in front of Joohyun's house.

"Have you ever ridden one?" Joohyun questioned, arching her eyebrows. 

Seulgi shook her head. 

"It was my father's,” she added, losing herself in remembrance for a moment before continuing. "I haven’t used it for quite some time, but I'm sure we can work it out."

Seulgi laughed, closing the book again and gazing at Joohyun carefully.

"I apologize for disturbing you." Joohyun pursed her lips, bowing ashamed when she noticed she interrupted Seulgi’s reading. She acted impulsively most of the time and talked too much when she had space for it. She didn’t want to scare Seulgi or push her away, and was already beginning to wonder if she really should have started a conversation. 

The subtlety in Joohyun's words made Seulgi’s chest tighten and she wanted to say that she shouldn’t apologize to her for something like that, _ever_. But she couldn’t, she wasn’t that brave.

“It’s okay,” Seulgi answered instead. “I had no idea you liked books like these.” She pointed to the copy of Beauty and the Beast she had on her hands. 

Joohyun let out a bitter laugh. People projected their expectations on her for something as potty as her preference for clothes. She knew that was not the case with Seulgi as she was probably reflecting the actions of her own mother, who Joohyun only knew for having exchanged a few words with her a week ago. It wasn’t the best experience, to say the least.

“I could say the same about you.” Joohyun said. 

“I like fairy tales, even though I’m too old for it. At least, that’s what people say.” Seulgi held a dry chuckle. 

She remembers some girls in her school who used to joke about her reading preference, often laughing and telling how much it seemed that Seulgi was still in elementary school by wasting her time with books like that.

"I don’t think there's such a thing. People like what they like and age shouldn’t be the one to dictate it.” Joohyun shrugged, a sign that she preferred to treat the subject lightly and earning a casual smile from Seulgi.

Seulgi thought Joohyun's personality became more and more captivating the more she knew her.

“What else do you like to read?” Joohyun asked, a pretentious grin painted on her lips. "I feel like you’re a novel type of girl.”

"I'm rather eclectic, actually, though novels are my favorites.” She giggled softly, feeling strange for some reason. Seulgi felt her stomach swirling at a sudden, but surprisingly, it wasn’t a bad feeling. "Am I that predictable, Joohyun?"

She said it without thinking, calling Joohyun by her first name and without any honorifics. Seulgi thought that the slightly older girl would be offended by it, but all she did was smile bigger before speaking again.

"It was only a deduction. But you do seem to be a romantic kind of girl.” Joohyun said. "And no, Seulgi, I don’t think you're predictable."

"And what makes you believe that?" Seulgi fired before she could stop herself and raised her right eyebrow, urging the girl to continue her thought.

"You intrigue me and I don’t feel like this with predictable people.” Joohyun uttered, the words just slipping out of her lips with a familiar ease. “And judging by the fact that, for some reason, you always have your eyes on me and I still don’t know why, someone easy to read is the last thing I would define you.” She continued as if she was used with that insinuating tone. Seulgi decided to ignore the thought and also the newly discovered fact that she hadn’t been as subtle as she had imagined. "I thought that by talking to you I might have some clearance, but as we can see, that's not what's happening."

Seulgi opened her mouth to refute her words, but then closed it again when she realized she had no arguments against it. 

Deciding to surrender and to use all the fragments of confidence she still had, Seulgi replied, "I'll keep it that way then. I have great esteem for the title I was given.”

Joohyun didn’t say anything, never letting her grin slip away from her face and shifted her weight to her left leg, her hands in her pockets giving her a relaxed aura. Seulgi watched the movement and felt her breath hitch, thinking about how Joohyun was so refined in everything she did.

Joohyun wasn’t much older than her, a difference of just three years separated them, but she was still so smart and experienced and there was Seulgi, revealing to her that she loved to read fairy tales and feared changes. Seulgi was suddenly self-conscious, shrinking in her position. She was just a kid to Joohyun, wasn’t she?

But before either of them could say anything else, the voice of Seulgi's mother calling her daughter for dinner was heard outside followed by Joohyun's light chuckle as she saw the younger girl let out a defeated sigh.

"I'm sorry about that, Seulgi.” Joohyun said, letting her name leave her lips as if used to it.

Seulgi remained silent, wanting to stay longer. She bit her lip, holding back a smile. Perhaps, at that moment, not restraining herself was not a bad idea.

“Will I see you again?” Seulgi asked as she began to walk away. 

Grinning, Joohyun answered, “I hope so.”

.

“When she rejected that kid, Oh Sehun, I thought she was going through a phase or something, but then Bogum came and so did Taehyung… I don’t know what's wrong with her. Poor girl will end up alone.” Mrs. Kang said wryly. She looked at her daughter sitting across the room and pretending to read one of the magazines that had been delivered to her and sighed. "Certainly, it’s not what I would have wanted if she was my daughter.”

Seulgi watched the conversation with discreet attention and curiosity, seated at a considerable distance from her mother and friends. Since Joohyun's arrival to the city she seemed to be the only frequent topic, even though three months had already passed. All of this for rejecting all suitors who practically fell on her feet in such a short time of stay and begged her for a chance. 

“She dresses like a boy. Always wearing those tight pants and that leather jacket.” one of the hairdressers commented, turning her attention to the blonde hair in front of her. 

Mrs. Kang covered her face, terrified, as if she heard an absurdity. Instantly, the distinct voices that spoke in the place immediately ceased, and everyone began to stare at the hairdresser with a visible expression of surprise on their faces.

"She's well educated, though..." another woman said as she crossed her legs, trying to soften the tension but receiving curious glances from the others instead.

"She’s still a strange girl. What lady, in full consciousness, rejects that many boys? And how can she be so sloppy wearing men's clothes informally?” the brunette at her side replied, shaking her head and staring at her newly painted nails.

It didn’t take long before other people in the beauty salon joined in the conversation, which within all its hypocrisy and disrespect was based on the same subject. _Every single day._

Of course, Seulgi also wondered at first what would be the reason behind so many rejections. The most obvious reason was that Joohyun was simply not interested, but Seulgi knew for a fact that she was the only one who would be satisfied with such a basic explanation.

Seulgi thought a lot about it, thinking if the girl didn’t feel pressured to get a boyfriend soon. Joohyun was already twenty years old after all, and even though Seulgi was still seventeen, she already felt she was carrying that weight on her back as a kind of punishment.

But then again, she didn’t know Joohyun that well, did she? She still didn’t know about her personal life and didn’t know what about Joohyun made her so interested to make Seulgi spend her free time looking at her when she was distracted, whether it was to admire her as a person or another more complex reason. But now, Seulgi was not so sure if she wanted to know.

.

“Are you alone?”

Seulgi lifted her head with a confused frown, watching Joohyun standing before her with a hint of a smile on her face. Even without doing anything, Joohyun was beautiful, with her hands in the pockets of her inseparable leather jacket.

Seulgi nodded.

“Great.” Joohyun added, shaking her head so Seulgi would follow her.

Unsure, Seulgi closed her book and placed it somewhere on the porch. She followed the girl with shaky steps until they were in a hidden spot beside Joohyun's house, stopping in front of the black motorcycle Seulgi had mentioned a few days ago.

Seulgi remained static in her place, pointing unbelievingly at the vehicle.

“I have to ride… This thing?”

Joohyun lifted her right leg, sweeping it over the bike and finding a comfortable position.

"Isn’t it what you wanted?" She mocked, handing the helmet over to Seulgi who seemed frozen in the spot.

“Where are we going?” The younger girl asked slowly, taking the helmet in her hands without being sure if she should.

Joohyun laughed at her nervousness, shrugging her shoulders as she replied, “Wherever you want to go.”

Joohyun placed the helmet on her head, looking curiously at Seulgi while she did the same, still scared. 

She climbed behind Joohyun and thought about where she should put her hands. Was it better if she held the seat tightly or should she rest them on her legs and pray to keep her balance? The second option seemed much more impossible to her, especially when she was very bad at self-control.

Realizing her apparent nervousness, Joohyun decided to suggest, “You can hold my waist. I won’t go fast, so you don’t have to worry if you’re holding too tight.”

Seulgi nodded, although Joohyun couldn’t see and slid her fingers down the sides of her jacket, resting them there with a gentle squeeze. Joohyun laughed at the shyness of the contact and stepped on the pedal to start the bike. 

When she felt that Seulgi was confident in their current speed, she decided to accelerate a little more and beamed with pride when she got what she wanted, because not only were Seulgi's fingers resting on her waist, but her arms surrounded her completely.

.

"I heard she rejected the Kim's youngest son, Junmyeon, this week.” Mrs. Kang said in her usual sneering tone, her hair caught in a high bun and her lips painted in a shining pink tone. 

She sipped her tea and placed it again on the coffee table, staring at the friends who were gathered in her living room for the weekly afternoon tea.

Mrs. Kim, her longtime friend, was flipping through a fashion magazine waiting for her tea to cool down and suddenly stopped when she heard what the woman said.

"That's awfully suspicious, to the very least.” She said, frowning in surprise. The other woman nodded in agreement. "I mean, it's acceptable that she rejects some of the guys who confess to her, but Junmyeon is a great kid. He is handsome, smart and comes from a good family. What else is she expecting from a partner?”

"At first I thought she was just being picky, but now..." Mrs. Kang continued, seeming to be at a loss of words. "It's really suspicious”

The other women agreed, each one focused on an individual task while nodding.

Mrs. Park, who was once engrossed in the magazine she read, looked directly at Seulgi's mother, frightened curiosity gleaming in her eyes.

"You don’t think she's a…" She paused, fearing to say aloud the word they avoid speaking like someone would avoid the plague.

“No, no!” Mrs. Kang answered in a shocked voice. “Well, I hope not. It would be a complete waste to find out that a girl as beautiful as her was filthy like that... Besides, I see her talking to Seulgi in the garden and it would be absurd if she ever infected my daughter with that sickness of hers.”

On the other side of the room, inside the kitchen, Seulgi could hear everything they talked about as she poured a glass of water for Yerim, waiting for her upstairs. She tried to get out of there without drawing any attention, walking at a slow pace to the stairs.

She kept repeating in her head that no, she didn’t care about the rumors concerning Joohyun. Maybe that way it would become true.

.

Seulgi stared at the pages of the notebook in her lap. Her sketch wasn’t pleasing her and she was beginning to feel stressed for letting vain motives reflect on her art. Nothing seemed to be good enough for her in the last few days, not when she knew her mother had found her "ideal match" and that they would soon reunite with the boy's family to get the details right. Seulgi knew her parents wouldn’t force her to marry him, but she didn’t know if she could resist if her parents asked her more than once to do so. She didn’t want them looking at her with disappointment in their eyes.

"What did this page do to hurt you?"

Seulgi heard the familiar voice reprimand her in its usual mockery. This time however, she didn’t lift her head, just stared at the page in front of her and sighed in agony once she realized she had broken the tip of the pencil with how strong she was pressing it on the paper.

"It’s not a good time, Joohyun.” Seulgi grunted, hoping the other girl would give up, but she did the exact opposite. Contrary to Seulgi's expectations, Joohyun sighed and joined her, sitting on one of the steps of the porch of the younger’s house.

Seulgi hadn’t noticed she was still squeezing the pencil hard, even if she wasn’t forcing it against the paper anymore, until she felt a cold hand curl in hers, forcing her to soften the grip. Seulgi found herself obliged to divert her attention for a moment and to face Joohyun sitting next to her with a worried look. Unlike the other days, Joohyun wasn’t wearing her so-called tight-fitting pants, but rather a flowery dress that reached near the knee. Seulgi was astonished.

She wanted to ask her the reason for the sudden change, but she didn’t know if they were in this level of closeness yet and so she chose to remain silent.

“Want to talk about it?” Joohyun asked in a softer tone.

"How..." Seulgi began, feeling her throat fail. Gathering courage, she went on, "How do you stay so steady in the midst of criticism?"

Joohyun frowned at the question, not waiting for Seulgi to ask her something like that.

"I mean… you must know they talk about you. Not always good things..." Seulgi glanced at Joohyun, as if she was revealing a great secret, but the girl didn’t seem surprised. “How do you deal with it?”

“Honestly? I don’t.” Joohyun answered and chuckled, like she was saying the most obvious thing she had ever said. "I hear what they say about me and I pretend I don’t know anything. They are just projecting their ideas in me because of how I am, how I dress, how I act. But they’re not right, so I don’t let it affect me. Do you understand what I mean, Seulgi?”

Seulgi nodded, still confused.

"No, I don’t think you do.” Joohyun gave her a forced smile, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It was more like she was glad Seulgi couldn’t relate to her statement. "It's okay, maybe one day you'll understand what I’m saying… Or maybe not, but it’s fine either way.”

Seulgi closed her notebook and gazed at Joohyun, struggling not to stutter or give up on speaking anything at all.

"How did you manage to reject so many boys? Your family wasn’t against it?” She asked at once, seeing Joohyun raise her eyebrows at the unexpected inquiry.

"Everything in this life is a trading game. If I want things to go my way, I must give in a little.” Joohyun answered, releasing Seulgi's hand and looking ahead. With her hands now free, she pointed to the dress she wore, a complete opposite to her everyday clothes.

"Doesn’t it affect you? These changes, I mean… As if you’re giving up your personality?” Seulgi asked before she could stop herself. 

“Not really, no. I remain true to who I am.” she answered calmly.

 _And who are you, Bae Joohyun?_ Seulgi wanted to ask, but she wouldn’t feel comfortable about bombarding her with so many questions and wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

"These days, I saw a gym competition on television, and there was this girl, younger than me, who won first place.” Seulgi said suddenly, staring at nothing in particular. Joohyun was surprised by the sudden change in the subject, but she didn’t question it. "She was perfect, Joohyun, all the judges gave her a 10. She was so talented..." Seulgi looked at the sketchbook on her lap, feeling useless. She wasn’t even satisfied with the only thing she thought she was good at. "I bet she has a boyfriend and her family is pleased with her, proud of her. I wanted to be just like her.”

The last sentence came out almost like a whisper, but Joohyun understood perfectly. She finally realized why all those sudden questions that didn’t seem to make sense.

"But I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I want this kind of life for me.” Seulgi continued, feeling more defenseless than ever.

Joohyun took her hand again, entwining their fingers this time. The contact was nothing new to Seulgi, but she still felt chills on the back of her neck because of Joohyun’s touch. She liked that contrast, of how Joohyun's hands always seemed to be warm while her own were always cold.

In fact, she didn’t trust herself enough to say things like that when there wasn’t anything she didn’t like about Joohyun. 

"You don’t want to get married?" Joohyun asked, her eyes glued on Seulgi's.

The youngest swallowed hard. Joohyun’s face close to her was making her feel things and think things she shouldn’t. She wanted to move away or shake her head to stop the confusion inside her, but she couldn’t. She seemed hypnotized, instigated to expose everything she needed and wanted to.

"I don’t want a husband." Seulgi stated in her lower voice, afraid the other girl would listen.

Joohyun smiled, running her fingers on the back of Seulgi's hand.

"I don’t want a husband either."

.

Later, Seulgi had finished her house tasks when the phone rang in the living room. She briefly warned her mother that dinner was ready and headed to the main room, answering the call on the second ring.

“Hello?” she answered at once.

Seulgi heard a sigh of relief from the other end of the line and wondered who was calling her at this time of night.

"Seulgi, I'm glad it was you who answered. I don’t think your mother would like to know that I'm calling you at this time of the day.” Joohyun's voice echoed on her ears, barely audible.

Seulgi frowned, asking herself if she'd heard it wrong and it wasn’t really her neighbor who was calling.

“Joohyun, why are you calling?” she asked. Not that she was bothered to hear the other girl’s voice, but it was still a surprise.

"Go to your window." Joohyun ignored the question, making the request as if it were an order.

Seulgi's eyebrows drew together even more, not understanding why she would do such a thing.

“My window? But why would I –“

“Please.” Joohyun pleaded in her softest tone, interrupting Seulgi. 

Seulgi rolled her eyes, feeling pathetic for not having the strength to say no to her. She snorted, muttering a quick "wait a minute" before disconnecting the call.

She hurried upstairs and opened the shutters, watching Joohyun's room through her windows. And there she was, with her sleeping clothes and her eyes shining bright like Seulgi had never seen before.

She would never get tired of saying how much Joohyun was beautiful, how everything about her was incredible and fascinated Seulgi. How long had she been thinking about her neighbor in this way? How long had she been _feeling_ these things?

Seulgi was about to question why such an unexpected request came when Joohyun lifted two sheets of paper and turned them in her direction. Seulgi’s breath hitched in astonishment. 

The numbers 1 and 0 were written on each one, forming the number 10. She was giving Seulgi a 10.

Joohyun grinned affectionately and that was enough for Seulgi to believe what she was implying.

.

"What do you think of Joohyun?" Seulgi asked her best friend who was sitting on the opposite side of her bed. Stopping leafing through the books in Seulgi's bedroom, Yerim stared at her blankly.

“Your neighbor?” Yerim asked, confused. 

Seulgi nodded, not daring to look into her eyes and pressed the sheets to her fingers as a distraction to avoid doing so. 

"I don’t know much about her, actually. Sooyoung told me that she had rejected some suitors.” Yerim said.

“That's all everyone talks about.” Seulgi commented, her shoulders dropping with the lack of a concrete answer like she wanted.

"There are other rumors.” Yerim tried again and Seulgi looked at her this time, focused on whatever she was going to say. "I heard she's one of those girls that don’t like boys, but..." She looked at her sides, afraid anyone else would hear them talking. “Other girls."

Seulgi bit her lower lip. She knew how people acted with disgust towards homosexuals, as if it was a disease. She herself once believed it to be something of the sort, but lately she wasn’t sure of many things.

“I went out with her.” Seulgi revealed, expecting to see anger or disgust in Yerim's eyes, but all she saw was a shocked expression.

“You did?” Yerim didn’t look bothered or agonized, just surprised. She couldn’t remember anyone besides her and Sooyoung with whom Seulgi felt comfortable to go out with.

"Yes." Seulgi shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, squeezing the duvet again. She felt her cheeks redden even though she tried to disguise it. “I said to her I was curious about riding a motorcycle and a few days later she came here saying that she would take me on a ride with her.”

Yerim shook her head, marveled at that side of Seulgi. She had never seen her friend like that, sounding so embarrassed and so enchanted at the same time.

"Please, Seulgi, don’t tell me you thought it was a good idea to go out alone with someone you don’t know that well.” She clicked her tongue to make it clear she disapproved of what Seulgi did.

“It was a good idea!” Seulgi said, fighting a small smile. “It was fun... to feel that wind on my face.”

She also thought about the smell of Joohyun's perfume so close to her nose, how she liked the feeling of the leather on her palms, but she chose to hide those details. Yerim would never leave her alone otherwise.

"God, Seulgi, you're hopeless.” Yerim laughed. "I don’t think she’s sick like so many people think, if that's what you're worried about. You just don’t know her that well. It's good to be careful once in a while,” She added, receiving a proud and relieved smile from Seulgi.

Seulgi always thought Yerim was reasonable, after all.

"What would you think if I said I'm sure it isn’t a disease?" She challenged, arching her eyebrow at Yerim.

"I wouldn’t go against you," The younger one shrugged, but she seemed to have known that for a while. Seulgi wondered how.

"So you believe me?"

Yerim beamed.

"You're my best friend, Seulgi. Of course, I believe in you.”

.

Seulgi watched the boy standing in front of her, focused on the book he'd given her, and smiled, trying to be nice. He was a foreigner adjusting to Korea’s manners and Seulgi, as the great girl she was, was leading him through the school in those early days of adaptation. It was a tiring routine, especially because of the girls who barely fell on his feet whenever he walked by.

She’d be lying if she said that he wasn’t attractive, with that black hair of and eyes just as green as the ocean, but there was nothing about him that caught her attention beyond that. The other girls in her class didn’t seem to agree, throwing themselves at the poor guy every time they had the opportunity. Seulgi was even confronted by one of them these days, and she was paralyzed as the girl almost begged her to walk away from him. Seulgi merely said she would if she could, but it seemed no one believed in her.

She sighed at the thought and watched him nod his head before walking away from her, heading home.

Seulgi bit her lip and hesitated to return to hers. Since she'd said she had no interest in meeting Baekhyun, the boy her mother had "arranged" for her, the situation at her house wasn’t one of the best. She was almost back inside the school when she heard someone whispering in her ear.

“Your friend?”

Seulgi placed a hand on her chest, seeing Joohyun with her usual crooked smile painted on her lips. She was back in her usual clothes and Seulgi liked it, thought it suited her well. It all matched Joohyun.

"Don’t scare me like that,” Seulgi hissed.

Joohyun giggled lightly, amused at her reaction. She didn’t intend to frighten Seulgi, but now she was grateful that she did, thinking the girl looked adorable like that.

“I’m sorry.” She lowered her voice. “Is he your friend?”

Seulgi looked over to where Joohyun was staring, watching the boy drifting away.

"No... But he's single, if that's what you want to know." Seulgi replied, surprised at her own words and feeling her heart sink with them. Why would she say that? “You can try something with him, if that’s what you want. I know your family is giving you a hard time." 

It was true, Seulgi could hear from her room late-night arguments at Joohyun's house, the same subject being repeated like a broken record: the girl's love life.

"Not really, thank you very much.” Joohyun replied, stunned by the offer.

“Why?” Seulgi questioned. Why was she doing this, anyway? Offering an acquaintance to Joohyun out of impulse, even feeling... _This thing_ , whatever it was, she felt for the older girl.

"I told you I don’t want a _husband_ , Seulgi,” Joohyun answered in a friendly tone. "Anyways, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I came to ask you to be ready tomorrow at eight o'clock, we’re going out.”

“What? That sudden?” Seulgi let her mouth drop in shock.

“Yes. It's your birthday, and we need to celebrate it in the right way.” Joohyun insisted.

"I can’t, Hyun... my mother wouldn’t let me.” She was quick to deny, shaking her head at the mere thought of asking her mother to leave. With Joohyun, even more.

“Just for one night... please.” Joohyun tried again, almost begging.

“Joohyun...” Seulgi said slowly, she felt she was almost giving in.

"Listen to me... you're like a ship, Seulgi," Joohyun blurted out, looking at her the way she always did, immersed in admiration. Her eyes were lighter, a brown tone so beautiful that Seulgi believed she could spend days just watching her and still wouldn’t get tired. Seulgi frowned and noticing the momentary confusion of the younger girl, Joohyun giggled softly. "Ships are always safe when they’re at the harbor," She said, drumming Seulgi's fingers with her own. "But that's not what ships are for."

Joohyun looked away, analyzing the small details of the street.

“Ships were made to live adventures and to navigate all over the sea, independent.” The girl turned her gaze to Seulgi and for a brief moment the younger one thought she was lost in those eyes, not really wanting to return to reality.

Seeming to be pulled out of a trance, Joohyun smiled again.

"I'll pick you up at eight." She confirmed without waiting for Seulgi to accept the invitation. Seulgi would protest, but Joohyun didn’t let her. She was about to leave, only a few feet away from Seulgi when she decided to speak again. ”Hey, Seulgi!”

Seulgi looked at her earnestly, shaking her head to say she had her attention.

"Don’t worry, your friend isn’t my type.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes, but said nothing more. She wanted to say that he wasn’t her friend, but Joohyun was faster:

“I like brown eyes better.” She tried to wink, but both of her eyes closed. 

Seulgi thought that was the least attractive wink she'd ever seen, but Joohyun was adorable no matter what she did.

And then she left, leaving Seulgi stagnant with her heart pounding.

.

"Do you think I'm going to feel butterflies in my stomach?"

Yerim quickly turned her attention away from the plate in front of her, directing it completely to her best friend who insisted on asking random questions ever since they sat down to have dinner. Seulgi's head was slightly tilted to the side as she stared at something in front of her.

Seulgi seemed distracted ever since Yerim had arrived and that didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde girl. She knew Seulgi too well for that.

"What are you talking about now?" She asked, leaning against the chair she was sitting on.

They were both at Seulgi's dinner table, eating quietly since her mother had informed her that she would have an important dinner to attend at her father's work.

"When I kiss someone, I mean." Seulgi clarified, her expression still serious. Yerim furrowed her eyebrows. "Do you think I'll feel butterflies in my stomach?"

“Why are you asking me this?” Yerim said, confused. Seulgi shrugged, and she mirrored the action. "How would I know? I've never kissed anyone.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes, figuring this would be Yerim's answer.

"I know that, Yerim, I'm just thinking,” She replied, putting the cutlery on the table. She was no longer hungry. Thinking too much did that.

"Kissing someone?" Yerim questioned.

"How can I...” She started, pausing a bit to organize her thoughts before speaking. “What should I do? Make the first move? I don’t know how these things work.”

Yerim laughed at her friend's sudden nervous outburst, she seemed more lost than she imagined. Without letting her continue, the younger girl smirked.

"Don’t worry about that, Seul. I'm sure _she_ wouldn’t mind if you did.”

Seulgi's cheeks heated and she nodded. Yerim really knew her too well.

.

The black-haired girl's body was filled with grace, captivating anyone watching. Her aura not only exuded self-confidence, but permeated the whole place with it.

Seulgi was puzzled, unable to take her eyes off Joohyun and her captivating movements despite feeling her head spin. She had taken a sip of Joohyun's drink and felt that she was losing control of her actions. It was something new, different, but she didn’t think she would feel so light. That must be why they called it liquid courage after all, because Seulgi felt especially brave. However, she was almost certain she wasn’t completely fearless because of the alcohol.

Joohyun still danced when Seulgi touched her waist and brought her closer, even though they were already close enough. Joohyun sighed with the feeling of Seulgi's trembling fingers pulling her by the waist, almost with their hips touching and she realized that the alcohol must’ve worked, since Seulgi was never fond of skinship and there they were, so close together as if they would merge into one at any moment.

Seulgi didn’t care. She was enjoying feeling Joohyun's skin touching hers, the warm breath on her neck, the small hands that wrapped around her waist gently, afraid of crossing certain limits. But Seulgi knew better, there were no more limits. Not when Joohyun had crossed the only one that mattered.

“Thank you.” she managed to murmur. Her words were barely audible, and Joohyun just nodded, not sure why Seulgi was thanking her. Was it for taking her to a disco for the first time? For the drink she’d offered?

Seulgi then decided to take another step of courage, wrapping the waist smaller than hers with her arms. Joohyun felt her neck twitch when she realized that Seulgi was using it as some kind of hiding place, even though she was taller. She didn’t complain, only accepted the closeness with delight.

Joohyun didn’t even think to ask her to stop with that hot breath hitting her neck and that lips moving at a slow pace through the bare skin, even though she knew that although they were in a reserved place, they were still in public.

It was scary to think that people could see them like that, but everything had been somehow scary in the last days. Ideals were changing, people were challenging rules and traditions that existed much longer before Joohyun or Seulgi did. Rules that were so old that they might not mean anything at all anymore.

Suddenly, Seulgi backed away and Joohyun felt the heat that dominated her body being replaced by an uncomfortable coldness. Seulgi just held her hand and walked out of the dance floor and out of the nightclub, stopping only when they were in a deserted area at the parking lot.

Seulgi didn’t know where all that courage came from when she was already sober, but before she could stop herself, her hands were already tracing Joohyun's profile, tracing the outline of her eyes, nose, and mouth. She relaxed her thumb on her lips, holding Joohyun's face between her palms.

Seulgi could feel her heart exploding in a mixture of emotions in her chest, all oscillating between full joy and fear. Maybe Joohyun didn’t feel the same way after all. She considered the possibility, but it didn’t make sense. She didn’t _want it_ to make sense. And there was really no way that it was true, because what would be the reason behind Joohyun’s extremely rosy cheeks and that silly smile on her lips if not Seulgi’s touch?

"I think..." Seulgi began, swallowing and shaking her head. No, she didn’t _think_. She was sure of it. “I'm so in love.”

Joohyun's smile became brighter, bigger. Seulgi smiled back, ignoring the frantic beats in her ribcage. Suddenly, Joohyun didn’t look as tough as her leather jacket might lead on.

“Isn’t it strange?” Seulgi added, through laughter. Joohyun was ready to respond, but Seulgi spoke again. "I never thought I'd fall for someone like you."

Joohyun laughed at her choice of words.

“Another woman?” she suggested, receiving a curious glance from Seulgi. That was not what she was referring to.

"No." she replied, but then shook her head. "Well, yes, that too, but what I mean is, people think a lot of things about you, but you're nothing like that.”

Her head was tilted to the side, her eyes fixed on the pink lips of the girl in front of her.

"Everyone has this image that you’re a rebel and a difficult person to deal with, but you’re not.” she answered, her eyes never leaving the older girl’s lips. Seulgi wondered if they were as soft as they looked. "If I'm honest, I'd say I've never met anyone as sweet as you.”

Joohyun laughed, lifting her hand and putting a lock of brown hair behind Seulgi’s ear. Seulgi closed her eyes, feeling like she had already said too much. She felt Joohyun's fingers imitating her actions from before, tracing her face gently. Her touch was so delicate, so gentle and so _hot_ against her skin. Seulgi thought she would melt.

"Maybe it's just with you." Joohyun whispered. 

Seulgi was almost opening her eyes when she felt Joohyun's lips touched hers. Suddenly the warmth of Joohyun's fingertips wasn’t a match to the warmth of her lips, and by reflection Seulgi opened her mouth, feeling hotter as Joohyun closed her lips on her own lower lip.

She didn’t feel butterflies, but she didn’t know what it was. She’d say it felt like a complete zoo was inside of her, but she didn’t want to sound so cliché. Joohyun could be anything but she wasn’t cliché.

It was still scary, Seulgi admitted. It was frightening that someone could see them like that, but she didn’t care. Not when Joohyun's hands gripped her waist with a fondness she didn’t think was possible to have, or when she had her fingers entwined in Joohyun's black hair, feeling the familiar lavender scent.

It was true, things were changing and maybe one day she wouldn’t need to worry about other people seeing how Joohyun looks at her, or how her cheeks get red with just one touch. Maybe one day she wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing them kissing. One day, she might not have to worry about anything.

Suddenly out of breath, Seulgi moved away from Joohyun, resting her forehead against the shorter girl’s, laughing scattered.

"By the way, I'm in love with you too. In case I wasn’t clear enough." Joohyun said, beaming at Seulgi who looked so very lost at that moment. “We need to go back now. I still need to take you home.” Joohyun held her hand and laced their fingers together. They had done it before, but the feeling was different somehow.

Seulgi felt like she was drunk, even though the alcohol had already dissipated from her body moments ago, spinning at her heels and watching as Joohyun looked at her, still with such admiration.

Her mind returned to the moment they first talked, when Seulgi said she was unsure of trying new things and how Joohyun seemed content to list the positive sides of it. Seulgi believed it now that to take risks was a good thing to do, after all, doing so had brought Joohyun to her.

Seulgi accepted willingly when Joohyun disconnected from her so they could go to where the older girl’s motorcycle was parked, bumping their elbows accidentally as they wandered through the vacant parking lot, but not entirely accidental. 

When they finally arrived in Joohyun's vehicle, she realized how much she liked the feeling of Joohyun's leather jacket beneath her palms and how much she liked that contrast. Of how Joohyun seemed inaccessible from afar, the appearance of someone stiff but once you got to know her closely, she was the gentlest person you could ever know. Seulgi liked that. She really did.

And now, while she hugged Joohyun from behind as she drove her home, Seulgi started to wonder if it was true that people shouldn’t be deceived by appearances since beauty was found within. Or maybe if it was true what they said about beauty being hidden in the simplest of gestures. Looking at the girl in front of her, her eyes shining and a shy smile on her face — _even though she was anything but shy_ — Seulgi believed they were right, because in the end, Bae Joohyun was a simple person.


End file.
